Subject: [OT] Existential Angst
Date: 28 Dec 2002 18:30:13 -0800
From: fenix_burns@yahoo.com (Eleas)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars




ASVS had changed.

I felt it in the posts.
I felt it in the trolls.
I sensed it in the sigs.

It began with the creation of Stardestroyer.net.

There was something wrong with the world. None could tell what it was,
but they all felt it, like a splinter in their minds... driving them
mad.

Unfortunately, no one could find the Baron, or his sheep, and the
Servant of Tulszcha was silent.

Then came Atomik Chicken, still aglow from his irradiation, bearing
news from his undercover work. "Chickens," quoth he, "chickens at the
north gate! Bearing many, many torches. Beware the fat man, for the
fat man walks alone." And the eyes of men turned to the Lump Club, but
they had no answers, and anyway it was rude to speak with a mouth
full.

Then, from the south, came a great wind. And upon that wind strode
Chuck, Apostle of Sarcasm. And the people harkened, and fourscore men
died of laughter before the day was done. "Friends," he spake to the
survivors, "forsooth there be something missing in ASVS, but I do not
think these chickens should be thought involved, for they are small
and underage." And all the people did chuckle, yet glance warily at
Paradox, who didst busy himself in a secluded spot in a manner best
not described.

And lo! from the north, a great tremor was heard. The ground shook and
shivered, and the sand erupted to reveal a man bestriding a
mountainous worm, and he was Kynes, and Damien rode with him. "Folk of
ASVS," he entreatied them, "too long have yon correctness political
allowed our arms to falter, our hands to lay idle. Our land has
stagnated, and nary a hat is fucked!" And the people nodded, for they
knew it was so. And then, younger Damien spoke, and the voice of Hell
was his to weild. "It is the old ways," he said, "the old ways that
now grow rusty with disuse. For the knowledge of yore was complete,
and secure we were in that knowledge. What is there still to be done?"

And from the East came the warrior some called Phong, and His mallet
carved a swath through the fields. And his words rang out in a lament
of all that once was. "Where is the donkey and the fucker? Where is
the crack that was smoked? They have passed like rain on the
mountain... like wind in the meadows. The trolls pour down in the
west... behind Spacebattles... into shadow." And the people were
disheartened, and there was weeping, and sporadic dismemberment of
Shadowarbiter, and a great search for Elim, who might provide some
serious entertainment, yet the ancient raven was not found.

Then, as sunlight was all but fled, lo! a shiver came upon the air,
and a man stood there, and a radiance clothed him and stood from his
form. But then the form moved, and the people were amazed, for this
was no man but a creature unknown to the shores of ASVS since the
departure of Raven Evenstar to the shores of Real Life. And the woman
Thelea did smirk, whilst the glittering of her medals drove many to
insanity, and then cried unto the Group: "Fie! for entertaining
thoughts of forsaking the NG! Verily, ASVS can never die, so long as
its heart remaineth!" And the people were at last heartened, and,
believing they had the answer, cried out, "What is the heart of the
newsgroup?" And the lady Thelea replied "really, really, REALLY long
Fanfics," and with that, they were contented.

But some, notably the vagrant known as Eleas, were not yet convinced,
for they had spent many a day in that outer plane known as
Stardestroyer.net, and were not capable of coherent thought. And they
cried unto the newsgroup, "What of Aron? What of Poe? What of Cronan,
whose spirit lingers? And all the others that came and passed away?"
And the gathered apostles spoke as one, and said, "they have not come
to ruin, for their memory lives on." And Dalton, and Edam, and Tyralak
the old did smile and nod, and at last the few doubters were swayed,
and came home.

For what is remains. And what was cherished returns. And come fire and
axe, some allegiances will never wither.



-- 
Björn